When I was 18 my two friends and I babysat their 2 year old niece at night while her parents worked. We didn’t get paid, so we didn’t really care what she did.
During this period of her life she did everything we did—which meant she stayed up until 3 AM watching Beavis & Butthead, R-rated gangster movies, listened to Heavy Metal and gorged herself on frozen burritos and potato chips.
One particular night we bought a bag of Flaming-Hot Cheetos, but were only able to eat a handful before getting heartburn.
Little Katie wandered down the steps at 2 AM to watch Payback starring Mel Gibson with us (pretty violent movie). At the end of the movie the Cheetos were gone and Katie had red goop all over her face, and tears streaming down her cheeks in a smile of utter joy.
Truth #1 of the Diet of a Teenage Boy (DTB)—Spicy foods BURN calories; and the spicier the better. The trick is to eat foods that burn through the entire digestive process. HeartBURN means it’s working. And if you have a little BURN when it’s coming out just remember it’s taking all those bad calories with it.
Flaming Hot Cheetos can work wonders if you’re trying to work off a few inches on the thighs after Christmas.
Always elect for spicy sauces over mild ones.
A site of interest might be www.hotsauceworld.com. I can’t say I approve of some of the language used to describe these products, but if swearing had a purpose, it would be to describe these products.
However, I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that anything named after an explosion or military ordinance would provide the full 360 degree burn you’re looking for.
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