DTB: Spiritual Nourishment—The Sports/Video Game Love Affair

One day my wife started reading a book entitled The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. My first thought was, “Great. My wife is reading a book about how men or animals and how you have to slave away to take care of them.”

The book did talk about how men were animals, but much like a dog, if you train them well, they’ll do anything you want.

“Training” in this book is more like “tricking” or “baiting” and males don’t mind being baited as long as we get the bait and it’s worth the pain of the hook.

This book led my anti-video-game wife to buy me an X-box. I am forever grateful to Dr. Laura for her fine piece of literature.

To be honest, I never received anything when my wife read other literature, like Pride and Prejudice or Twlight—unless you count a cold glare because I wasn’t Mr. Darcy or Edward. In all honesty I’m probably as vanilla as they come; which isn’t bad considering that, as I guy, I really understand that Mr. Darcy is a self-righteous A-hole and Edward is a 100 year old pedophile who whines like a 5 year-old girl.

Throughout my career as a “Friend” and “Confidant” to many females I understand that girls don’t understand our fascination with Sports or Games. And while males don’t understand the female obsession with “chick flicks” and romance literature, we understand it must be something like our sports and videos games—so we only give you grief when we get it from you.

Sports don’t get mad at us when we sit down in front of the TV, as a matter of fact, they require it. That is why when you watch TV with us, we think it counts as paying attention to you—be grateful for that one-on-one time.

Sports don’t give us the cold-shoulder when we invite friends over—they actually are more fun when friends are around. Not only that, but they’re entertaining! If we invite friends on dates, it’s only because you’re more fun if my friends are around.

Games don’t mind swearing. Games are built on it and most of them can’t be played without a swear word passcode. God invented swearing to play video games and to have something to say when the damn screw driver strips the screws.

I can’t pretend to know why females like chick flicks, but I assume they fill some need that you don’t get out of the relationship.

Why is this important to my diet plan? Honestly I don’t have a clue, but I know that my wife hasn’t read that book in a while and she now says I can’t play games on Sundays—no cookies either (and in a future post you’ll learn about the healing power of chocolate chip cookies).

Let us have our sports and games and you can have your 100 year old pedophiles.